BLOODRUST

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''IMAGES'': "Pravetz 8 Monitor 01" by DemieK07, "Exterior of a worn urban..." by Monica Oprea, "Close-up of a metal fire..." by Süleyman Karakurt, "Eye iris" by Petr Novák, "Array of outdoor electric..." by Tim Mossholder, and "Close-up of an industrial..." by Bas Geerlings. ''AUDIO'': "Monster Breathing Slowly 1" by Cell31_Sound_Productions, "Playing cards being delt" by SomeoneCool15, "Metallic Groan" by hinchinbrook, "Skinning Animal 1" by Frostnox, "Ripping slimy squelching flesh" by newlocknew, "heartbeat 80bpm limited" by loudernoises, and "Static 2 (Grittier)" by _MokeyMokey. ''ADDITIONAL CODE'': Dynamic Text Effect Macros by greyelf (based on Harlowe); Typing Simulation Macro by ChapelR; & Glitchy Text, Drunk Text, and Hovertip Macro by HiEv Heavy Industries [[Credits.]] ---- [[<< ->Start]]

''MUSIC'': “192: May God Deal With Me, Be It Ever So Severely” by Bull of Heaven under Public Domain Mark 1.0 ''SOUND'': Various artists on Freesound ''FONT'': IBM Plex Mono ''PLAYTESTING'': raspberri.ality, spritzebee, spectacles_mectacles, and sour.citrine (Instagram Profiles) [[Additional Credits.]] ---- [[<< ->Start]]

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! BLOODRUST by orx_hara ---- Headphones and a desktop browser are recommended for the best gameplay experience. [[Warnings.]] [[Credits.]] ---- [[>>->Instructions]]

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TW: suicidal ideation, depictions of blood and gore, simulated gambling, sexual themes, and strong language. ---- [[<< ->Start]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ ?, 3012 I woke up alone on Deckard's bed. He didn't need sleep, I learned; only sustenance. Food. I'd rather not think about it too much. After all, what he ate was — ... Well, there's a reason he holds those games in the first place. I closed my eyes and let the dark take me again. [[>>->final_logs]]

July 12, 3012 Behind a shuttered corner store in the slums is a service corridor where a decommissioned elevator lies, half sunk in the sagging halls that envelop it. The metal is encrusted with brown decay that creeps along the mirrored interior walls, just enough to make anyone's reflection unrecognizable except for where it stares right back at you. I [[knocked.->beginning_2]]

<<audio "metal" volume 0.5 play>>\ The back of the elevator opened with a groan, and a man in a hazmat suit ushered me in. This had nothing to do with my expected duties, but I had finished my daily logs, so where else would I go? I’ve known this place for so long now. There’s just [[nowhere else to return to.->beginning_3]] Not <<hovertip 'I welcome you with open arms.' 100>>home<</hovertip>>, not anywhere.

<<audio "metal" volume 0.5 play>>\ The hazmat-ed man closed the door behind me, locking me into the claustrophobic space. It was bathed in dying, artificial light from a half-broken bulb hanging from above. It’s fine. I knew that once I left, it would all be over. The world would bleed back into color, dead and soft, and the muted greys of this metallic casket would [[fade away once more.->beginning_4]]

<<audio "cards" volume 0.8 play>>\ <<timed 5s>>\ <<audio "cards" volume 0.8 play>>\ <</timed>>\ In the middle of the room was a table topped with a green polyester microfiber. Dark stains from something unknowable lay across its surface. Everything hummed with a low, mechanical buzz; down here, it was louder than ever. I could feel the edge of the table beneath my gloved fingertips, the seam of the cold metal biting into the cloth. Everything in the space felt designed to make a person surrender. And behind the table stood //him//. A man in <<hovertip 'Life besides man died long, long ago.' 100>>ersatz leather,<</hovertip>> his hair tin-white as arsenic. He shuffled cards between his gloved hands, as if [[awaiting my arrival.->game_one]]

[[malady]]

[[is]]

<<audio "breathing" stop>>\ <<audio "static" stop>>\ August 30, 3012 I found myself at the Dealer’s Game again. It’s practically [[routine->deal_2]] at this point. Like it always is these days, it was just me, him, and his assistants.

''DEALER'' “I have a deal to offer you this time, Axon.” ''AXON'' “...” ''DEALER'' “You always play so safely. If you bet something interesting this time, I’ll show you something interesting in return.” Why would I accept [[something like that?->game_two]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/14 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein [THE PAGE IS BLANK] [[>>->empty_log_2]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/15 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein [THE PAGE IS BLANK] [[>>->empty_log_3]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/16 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein [THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO REPORT] [[>>->empty_log_4]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ [[this]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/22 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY FINDINGS: - Temperature: Normal - Humidity: Normal - Structural Integrity: Normal NOTES: None. ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->sixth_log]]

INSPECTION REPORT [THE PAGE IS LEFT BLANK] [[>>->final_logs_2]]

INSPECTION REPORT [THE PAGE IS LEFT BLANK] [[>>->reflection]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/02/03 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY <img src="images/log_one.png" width="500"> FINDINGS: - Temperature: Elevated - Humidity: Elevated - Structural Integrity: Within acceptable range. NOTES: No immediate hazards or concerns identified. Walls give under slight pressure, likely indicating a minor structural deformity. Tenant reports hearing noise from behind the concrete at regular intervals; tenant advised to submit a maintenance request. ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->beginning]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/18 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY <img src="images/log_four.png" width="500"> FINDINGS: - Temperature: Normal - Humidity: Normal - Structural Integrity: Normal NOTES: None. ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->fifth_log]]

''DEALER'' “What would you like to wager this time, Axon?” He never explained that <<hovertip 'A fitting moniker, is it not?' 100>>nickname.<</hovertip>> It had something to do with this Game of his, I’m sure. But it didn’t matter; the Dealer was staring at me from behind his gas mask’s glassy lenses, waiting for my choice. <<linkreplace "- ==Fifty dollars.==">>- (Money is useless to bet here.)<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "- My heart.">>- (I don’t have a death wish.)<</linkreplace>> [[- My finger.->game_one_2]]

''AXON'' “I’ll bet a finger. The left... pinky.” The Dealer grinned. I couldn’t see him do it, but I’m sure he did from the way his gaze bore a hole straight through the center of my skull. One of his hazmat assistants produced a small electronic device into which I input my name. A release of liability. A contract. ''DEALER'' “Let’s play. You <<hovertip 'Blackjack. Come as close as possible, closer than the Dealer, to 21 without going over.' 100>>remember how,<</hovertip>> don’t you?” ''AXON'' “...” ''DEALER'' “Hit for more. Stand to stop. [[Let us begin.->game_one_3]]”

<<audio "cards" volume 0.8 play>>\ He dealt the cards: two for himself and two for me. I knew I had to be careful about this. ''DEALER'' J♣ ? (10) ''AXON'' 2♥ J♠ (12) [[- Hit.->game_one_hit1]] [[- Stand.->game_one_stand1]]

<<audio "heartbeat" volume 0.5 play>>\ In my other Games, I had been careful, betting away blood and marrow. I gave up my appendix once, when pressured by <<hovertip "What others?" 100>>other players.<</hovertip>> The first time, I was foolish and bet away my left ring finger, thinking it was useless. Now I’d lose another. What was I thinking? When did I //stop// thinking? What was I even doing there? Why ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Am ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀I ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀[[here…?->game_one_5]]

<<audio "heartbeat" stop>>\ ... When one of the Dealer’s assistants placed a hand on my shoulder, I let him take me away without a word. <<timed 3s>> [[>>->rabbit]] <</timed>>

''DEALER'' J♣ ? (10) ''AXON'' 2♥ J♠ 6♥ (18) [[- Hit.->game_one_hit2]] [[- Stand.->game_one_stand2]]

''DEALER'' J♣ 9♥ (19) ''AXON'' 2♥ J♠ 6♥ 4♦ (22 BUST) I... [[lost.->game_one_4]]

''DEALER'' J♣ 9♥ (19 WIN) ''AXON'' 2♥ J♠ (12) I... [[lost.->game_one_4]]

''DEALER'' J♣ 9♥ (19) ''AXON'' 2♥ J♠ 6♥ (18) I... [[lost.->game_one_4]]

AXON “I’ll bet it all.” A heavy silence filled the room. The assistants shifted awkwardly in their places. The Dealer — I am sure, this time — grinned wide behind his mask. DEALER [[“Everything it is.”->game_three_2]]

<<audio "cards" volume 0.8 play>>\ ''DEALER'' 6♣ ? (6) ''AXON'' 7♥ 7♣ (14) @@.blur;The cards decide the game. But do I? Am I choosing or responding? When I choose, do I choose to live or die?@@ @@.blurrier;When I choose, whose hand is it anymore?@@ [[- Hit.->game_three_hit1]] [[- Stand.->game_three_stand1]]

<<audio "heartbeat" volume 0.5 play>>\ I won. I won on this stupid bet to bet it all, to end it all. What then? Do I play until I lose again? Do I take this as a sign that I wasn’t meant to die? That no matter what I do and what else is out there, I have to live through this hell forever? A shocked assistant left and came back with an attaché case, presumably filled with my earnings. They opened it, showing an unfathomable amount of money. Money [[I didn’t know what to do with.->game_three_4]]

<<audio "heartbeat" stop>>\ ''DEALER'' “Well, Axon?” Deckard looked almost proud of me, hands behind his back, dark eyes gleaming behind his lenses. But then he paused, tilting his head to the side. ''DEALER'' “What’s wrong? Surprised? [[Scared...?->game_three_5]]”

''DEALER'' “Well we can’t have that, can we?” He snapped, and the assistant took the case back away. ''DEALER'' “Let me help you, Axon. You’re clearly <<hovertip 'You poor, poor thing.' 100>>lost,<</hovertip>> aren’t you? Then allow me to offer you [[one more deal.->game_three_6]]”

''DEALER'' “Allow me to keep this case for you, and I shall care for each and every one of your needs. After all, that’s what you came here for, isn’t it?” Is it...? Maybe he’s right. Maybe that was why I came. Not to die, but to live. To live without thought, dissatisfactions lost in the hum of the world. Maybe I didn't know what to do anymore. I thought I did now, only to be proven otherwise. @@.blurrier;When have I ever been in control of myself?@@ [[I nodded.->game_three_7]]

I did? I did. Because he snapped his fingers and his assistants left us alone, there in the malignity of that little room. He took off his mask and removed my own. ''DEALER'' “I’m proud of you for coming to me, Harlan. <<hovertip 'It must have been difficult.' 100>>So proud...<</hovertip>>” His voice sounded... nice. Cradled in his leather caress, I closed my eyes. [[>>->post_game]]

''DEALER'' 6♣ ? (6) ''AXON'' 7♥ 7♣ 3♦ (17) [[- Hit.->game_three_hit2]] [[- Stand.->game_three_stand2]]

''DEALER'' 6♣ 8♠ 10♥ (24 BUST) ''AXON'' 7♥ 7♣ 3♦ 4♦ (21 WIN) I... [[won.->game_three_3]]

''DEALER'' 6♣ 8♠ 10♥ (24 BUST) ''AXON'' 7♥ 7♣ (14 WIN) I... [[won.->game_three_3]]

''DEALER'' 6♣ 8♠ 10♥ (24 BUST) ''AXON'' 7♥ 7♣ 3♦ (17 WIN) I... [[won.->game_three_3]]

... But what else did I have to lose? I'd already carved myself away into pieces, every loss leaving me lighter, emptier. This dreary life was starting to wear me thin. If I sacrificed something of importance, if I gave up something fatal, @@.shudder;I...@@ ''AXON'' “I’ll bet... my ear.” I caught a glimpse of an eye behind the Dealer's mask: an iris carbon black and dull as tarnished steel. It was a darkness that swallowed the pupil entirely. Unblinking, it narrowed at me in something akin to amusement. ''DEALER'' “That is acceptable.” He [[dealt the cards.->game_two_2]]

<<audio "cards" volume 0.8 play>>\ ''DEALER'' 2♠ ? (2) ''AXON'' 6♥ 3♦ (9) [[- Hit.->game_two_hit1]] [[- Stand.->game_two_stand1]]

<<audio "heartbeat" volume 0.5 play>>\ I could play again. I could bet more. I could win it all back. I could. I could. [[I could->game_two_4]] —

<<audio "heartbeat" stop>>\ ''DEALER'' “A deal’s a deal, isn’t it?” An assistant gripped me by the upper arm. They must’ve thought I was just about ready to jump over the table, the way I was leaning forward over it. I shook them off. ''DEALER'' “But how pitiful... You’ve been on such an unfortunate loss streak.” He steepled his fingers, tapping each one against its matching other [[in turn.->game_two_5]]

''DEALER'' “I quite like you, Axon.” The assistant behind the Dealer grew stiff. ''DEALER'' “I’ll take your ear as promised, but show you anyway. Come to me tomorrow night. I’ll be waiting.” [[>>->game_two_6]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ @@.blur;you'll be back. I know <<linkappend "you">> will. your curiosity takes and takes and t a k e s until it gets the better of you like a moth to the flame in s e l f - i m m o l a t i o n@@ ⠀ [[>>->secret]]<</linkappend>>

''DEALER'' 2♠ ? (2) ''AXON'' 6♥ 3♦ 7♣ (16) [[- Hit.->game_two_hit2]] [[- Stand.->game_two_stand_2]]

''DEALER'' 2♠ 9♥ 2♣ 5♥ (18) ''AXON'' 6♥ 3♦ 7♣ K♦ (26 BUST) I... [[lost again.->game_two_3]]

''DEALER'' 2♠ 9♥ 2♣ 5♥ (18 WIN) ''AXON'' 6♥ 3♦ (9) I... [[lost again.->game_two_3]]

''DEALER'' 2♠ 9♥ 2♣ 5♥ (18 WIN) ''AXON'' 6♥ 3♦ 7♣ (16) I... [[lost again.->game_two_3]]

''EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK'' PREFACE At the eve of humanity’s destruction in mass nuclear warfare, the Earth became an ashen wasteland uninhabitable by all forms of life. Its inhospitable, polluted atmosphere — that which blotted out the very sun itself — encouraged mass emigrations to domed cities to provide shelter from the merciless beyond. Ironhaven is one such <<hovertip 'Some say this city is built on the back of an old god.' 100>>city,<</hovertip>> a metropolis of steel and concrete spires and the largest of all the metal masses. Here, you will find [[all that you could ever wish for:->handbook_2]] breathable air and a steady supply of <<hovertip 'Did you ever ask what kind?' 100>>meat<</hovertip>> for sustenance, much better than the synthetic nutrients that other cities may provide.

Congratulations, and welcome to the Processing Division. As one of Ironhaven’s oldest and most essential public institutions, our Division is proud to uphold the public health, stability, and continued prosperity of our city. Every employee contributes to the well-being of thousands of residents each day. Please review each section carefully before beginning active floor duties. [[>>->handbook_3]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ <<linkreplace "THOU ART I AM THOU">>THOU ART I AM THOU ⠀IN EVERY BREATH AND EXHALATION<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "⠀⠀OUROBOROS AND ITS TAIL">>⠀⠀OUROBOROS AND ITS TAIL ⠀⠀⠀FLESH EATS FLESH EATS FLESH ⠀⠀⠀⠀LIFE BEGETS LIFE ITSELF [[>>->third_log]]<</linkreplace>>

February 3, 3012 A settlement sits amidst the ruins of a failed utility complex. It’s the slums, to be exact, a poor, overcrowded, ground-level district covered in thick smog. But no one here likes to call it that. For better or worse, to them, it’s home. For now, I had an apartment to inspect. Another log to send off to my higher-ups, high up in their towering metal spires above. [[>>->introduction_2]]

It's an easy job. Or at least, it should be. Identify public health hazards, enforce sanitation rules, ensure safe living conditions. Stamp down any questions about anything people aren't supposed to know. ... Yeah. Easy. [[>>->first_log]]

[[ontological.]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ October 19, 3012 I decided to play [[one last game.->last_game_2]]

@@.blurrier;My legs carried me forward. When did I stop controlling them?@@ I entered the service corridor where the decommissioned elevator lies, half sunk in the sagging halls that envelop it. I knocked. The back of the elevator opened with a groan. A man in a hazmat suit ushered me in. I sat at the table. [[Alone.->last_game_3]]

''DEALER'' “You came back.” He seemed... relieved, in a way. Happy. If this all went wrong, I wouldn’t be back for long. Maybe that’d be better. ''DEALER'' “What would you like to wager this time, Axon?” <<linkreplace "- ==My left hand.==">>- (That's not it.)<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "- ==My left arm.==">>- (That's not it.)<</linkreplace>> [[- All in.->game_three]]

Username: <<typesim "h_heinlein">> Password: <<typesim "************">>[[>>->notice]]<</typesim>> <</typesim>>

[[this->this_2]]

DATE: 3011/10/28 TO: Harlan Heinlein FROM: ******** RE: Notice of Reassignment This memorandum is to formally notify you of your transfer from the position of abattoir supervisor to environmental health officer (EHO). This decision follows a review of departmental needs as well as your recent performance, including concerns for your mental well-being. You will henceforth report to ********, who will support your transfer, effective as of 3011/11/04. [[>>->transfer]]

<<linkreplace "forever.">>forever it shall stay. @@.mirror;sub specie aeternitatis@@ ⠀ [[>>->visions]]<</linkreplace>>

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ home is where the <<linkappend "heart is">> where your heart beats and beats and beats within your <<linkappend "chest,">> ribs folded back into your body as the petals of a rose close before the [[morn.->post_game_2]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

[[wake up,->post_game_3]] Harlan don't you see? @@.blurrier;ante faciem Domini@@

... <<timed 3s>> [[>>->arise]] <</timed>>

August 4, 3012 It's getting harder to type these things out now. Maybe I should have expected as much with two [[missing fingers.->rabbit_0.5]]

Regardless, I completed my log at a previous residence and continued toward the next assignment. It was there when I stopped to look at the nearby dumpsite. It’s nothing official; a place cordoned off by an unlocked fence where people throw away what isn’t needed and scavenge for what is. I don’t know why I stopped. There, on top of a pile of cracked plastic boxes, a young girl played with a ragged toy. Peering through the wire mesh of the fence, I could see that the toy was a [[stuffed one->rabbit_2]]. Or at least it must have been, once, but the dirty thing was a mere shell devoid of all its inner stuffing.

The girl must have noticed me staring, because she skipped over towards the fence. I would have left right then, had she not called out to me. ''YOUNG GIRL'' “Hi there, mister!” ''HARLAN'' “It’s dangerous to be outside without a respirator on.” She looked at me oddly. I pointed towards my own. ''HARLAN'' “A mask. The air is bad here.” She hummed as if thinking to herself, then giggled. ''YOUNG GIRL'' “Thanks, mister, but I feel [[just fine!->rabbit_3]]”

I had half a mind to open the fence gate and find one for her myself, but decided it was none of my business. ''YOUNG GIRL'' “Why is the air bad anyway?” ''HARLAN'' “... It just is.” I couldn’t tell her. No one needs to know. No one needs to know what kind of place we’re living in, nor <<hovertip 'Life besides man died long, long ago... Didn’t it?' 100>>why<</hovertip>> [[it is how it is.->rabbit_4]]

YOUNG GIRL “You look sad, mister.” I didn’t know what she was talking about. I would have argued otherwise, but @@.blur;the words never came to me.@@ YOUNG GIRL “Here!” She threw the stuffed toy over the fence at me. I had no choice but to catch it. Before I could throw it back, the girl had [[run off.->rabbit_5]]

I looked at the toy in my hands. It was a <<hovertip 'Mere legend, now.'>>rabbit.<</hovertip>> I was overcome with a sudden wave of nostalgia. Small hands. My own hands. A voice singing in the dark. Didn’t I have one, too? Once, long ago. Years ago. Decades. [[Right.->rabbit_6]]

I needed to get back to work. [[>>->second_log]]

?, 3012 It’s been some days since I stayed here. More or less, I’m not too sure. I’m not too sure about many things these days, and that’s probably exactly why I stay. Here, I don’t have to think about anything, anything at all. He does it for me instead. [[>>->warning]]

September 17, 3012 My supervisor finally asked why I’ve been submitting blank logs. I was wondering how long it’d take him to notice. I apologized and told the truth so far as the fact that I’ve been sick. Sick physically, not sick in the head, like it often feels nowadays. He'd never understand. After I promised to submit further work, he let me go with a warning. I thanked him. [[>>->fourth_log]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/08/04 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY <img src="images/log_two.png" width="500"> FINDINGS: - Temperature: Normal - Humidity: Normal - Structural Integrity: Within acceptable range. NOTES: No immediate hazards or concerns identified. ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->second_log_2]]

<<audio "breathing" loop volume 0.5 play>>\ <<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ the ⠀breathing ⠀⠀is ⠀⠀⠀getting ⠀⠀⠀⠀l o u d e r . @@.rumble;⠀⠀⠀⠀do ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀hear ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀too...?@@ [[>>->second_log_3]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ September 1, 3012 With my head bandaged, I came to him again around midnight, when the sirens blared twelve. There were no assistants to greet me; instead, the elevator door was opened by the Dealer himself. He led me inside the cardroom, then to the door at the end of the room. It was a nondescript thing, tall and metal. It was always off limits. But [[not this time.->secret_2]]

... <<timed 3s>> [[>>->handbook]] <</timed>>

This time, he allowed me entry. Immediately, I was hit with the strong scent of antiseptic, which did little to cut through the metallic reek of blood. The room was small, similar to a studio apartment. It was oddly sterile, almost untouched. The Dealer’s home, I surmised, despite it seeming like no one had ever lived here at all. And yet still, there was that lingering [[scent.->secret_3]]

The Dealer moved past me to sit on his bed, shifting sheets that were otherwise pressed perfectly into place. He took off his mask. He looked... young. Youthful and handsome, with a slight, thin face and deep-set eyes. Dark shadows enveloped them, nearly as dark as the circles beneath the lids. He took off his coat. His gloves. Then, he began to unbutton his shirt. He said nothing in reply to my sputtered shock. He simply folded his shirt and set it aside, then reached over to his nightstand to take a small knife from its drawer. He [[placed the blade to his sternum,->secret_4]] the bone jutting out against his pale, thin skin.

<<audio "cutting" volume 0.8 play>>\ He smiled, then promptly [[slit the blade across his torso.->secret_5]]

My mouth filled with saliva, as before vomiting. Every nerve inside me was both paralyzed and burning up. The Dealer fell backwards onto the bed, bleeding out profusely. Finally, I gathered myself and dashed over to his side. The gash was deep, cutting into muscle and nearly bone. I thought he was passed out or dead already, but he simply turned his face to me and [[smiled wider.->secret_6]]

<<audio "flesh" volume 0.8 play>>\ A wet noise arose like the pressing of a damp sponge. Ligaments snuck across the limp form, threading needle-thin across muscle and bone. His skin bubbled as if boiling, then melded, shifted, and formed itself together again. My tongue sat uselessly in my mouth. My hands even more uselessly at my side. I couldn't move. I was trapped between revelation and something unknowable. The Dealer reached towards me and cradled my face in a pale, bloody hand, cheek to sticky palm. The room was lit only from a dim fixture from above; he was illuminated in it like a damn halo. ''DEALER'' [["Do you understand now?"->secret_7]]

<<audio "flesh" stop>>\ I didn’t. I did. It was all too much. He was everything I ever hated and everything I ever pitied. What I had known when I worked in the slaughterhouse, the very same as the beast in the depths, the one whose flesh I was complicit in the harvest of when skin materializes on dry bone, the one whose very existence and very suffering is the reason why we are all still living yet, and the — ''AXON'' “What are you — ?” He leaned forward and [[kissed me.->secret_8]]

I was too shocked to kiss him back. His lips tasted like copper, and for the brief moment that we were connected, I felt like I could taste his hunger, too. He pulled away and placed his hands over my shoulders, shirtless and bloody, still, and smiled even wider than he had before. DEALER “Call me [[Deckard.->secret_9]]”

I don't know why he chose that name. Perhaps I never will. I was too distracted by the fact that the person in front of me was something beyond what I would ever understand. That he was real. That he was here before me and yet under my feet. That he was pulling me closer once more, and for a moment in his embrace I thought of my mother, lithe and pale, and yet shoved those thoughts aside when he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me again, the taste anoxic, making me unable to understand whether my breath was taken away by the action of it or the anxiety that shook me to the very core. That in my hands was an undead glutton who fed on my guilt with [[ecstasy.->secret_10]]

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/10/05 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->seventh_log_2]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ @@.blurrier;<<linkappend "every">> inspection you file, every<</linkappend>> <<linkappend "thing">> you report. every word you sign off on. it<</linkappend>> <<linkappend "is">> all, always,<</linkappend>> <<linkappend "yours.">>@@ [[>>->seventh_log_3]]<</linkappend>>

@@.smear;how much more can a man take?@@ [[>>->seventh_log_4]]

@@.smear;aren't you@@ <<linkappend "tired?">> @@.blur;so ⠀very ⠀⠀tired...?@@ ⠀ [[>>->last_game]]<</linkappend>>

INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/24 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING HOUSING SAFETY FINDINGS: - Normal NOTES: @@.blurrier;I don't remember what normal means anymore.@@ ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->seventh_log]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ DATE: 3012/11/09 TO: Harlan Heinlein FROM: ******** RE: Final Notice of Termination As you have failed to report for duty within the period specified in the Notice of Failure to Report dated 3012/11/02, your employment with the Processing Division and Civic Health Authority is hereby terminated, effective immediately. Your employee credentials and facility access have been revoked. Any government property remaining in your possession must be returned within seven (7) calendar days. <<timed 5s>> [[>>->Start]] <</timed>> <<audio "bgm" stop>>

<<audio "static" stop>>\ INSPECTION REPORT ASSESSMENT NO.: ****** LOCATION: ***** * **** **, Ironhaven ** ***** INSPECTED ON: 3012/09/07 PREPARED BY: Harlan Heinlein COMPLIANCE REGARDING FOOD SAFETY <img src="images/log_three.png" width="500"> FINDINGS: - Temperature: ==Low== Normal - Humidity: ==Low== Normal - Structural Integrity: Within acceptable range. - Sanitation: Within acceptable range. NOTES: No immediate hazards or concerns identified. ACTIONS: Continue monitoring under standard procedure. [[>>->third_log_2]]

September 7, 3012 I inspected the corner store today for my daily logs. I stared at the rations, at the canned food, and felt sick to my stomach. How anyone manages to consume that thing is beyond me. The meat in the freezer looked like the stuff of the slaughterhouse. Pink sinew. Glistening fat. Below my gaze, it seemed to shift and writhe, tendons like tendrils and ligaments like sparking filaments squirming beneath the raw, red flesh. It reminded me of Deckard, somehow. Of whispering, bubbling guts. I could have sworn I saw it pulse, as if [[breathing.->third_log_3]]

I don't know when it happened, but when I came to, the shopkeeper was already backing away as I knelt on the tiled floor. Bile pooled on the ground beneath me. My hands were shaking. I couldn't stop shivering. I apologized and offered to clean it up. He told me it would be alright. I left promptly afterwards and completed my log. Still, hours later, I feel horribly ill. I’m not sure what I can do. If there’s anything I //can// do. [[>>->third_log_4]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ @@.blurrier;do you bleed red like the flesh beneath your feet? did you ever? is there a difference between what you process and what you are?@@ <<timed 3s>> [[>>->third_log_5]] <</timed>>

<<linkappend "you">>r⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀dialectics<</linkappend>>⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀<<linkappend "deceive">>⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you. [[>>->third_log_6]]<</linkappend>>

@@.upside-down;do you truly see things as they ought to be?@@ <<timed 5s>> [[>>->empty_log]] <</timed>>

[[congenital]]

[[cyclothymia]]

<<audio "static" loop volume 0.1 play>>\ @@.blur;don't you remember me?@@ @@.blur;oh <<linkappend "Harley,">> my beloved.<</linkappend>>@@ @@.blurrier;hush, and rest now.@@ <<timed 5s>> [[>>->termination]] <</timed>>

February 2, 3012 It’s been ninety days since the transfer. More or less, I’m not too sure. I’m not too sure about many things these days, and that’s probably exactly why they tossed me out into the slums with barely more than a toolkit and a respirator. I never liked my job — I should be happy I’m no longer bound to that shithole anymore — but I can’t help but feel uneasy. [[Why?->transfer_2]]

I have no idea why. Maybe because this place feels unfamiliar. No, maybe because it feels //too// familiar. That’s right. I lived here once before, didn’t I? I lived here with [[a woman.->transfer_3]]

My mother. My caregiver. My very life. Her name brings no memory to mind. It started with an “L.” Or an “I.” I saw it written once, on some kind of important document. The sort she handed off to some kind of important man. But that was years ago, [[wasn’t it?->transfer_4]]

I don’t know. There are a lot of things I just don’t know. @@.blur;I don’t know.@@ [[>>->introduction]]

<<audio "static" stop>>\ September 16, 3012 I see them in my dreams. The Dealer. Deckard. The beast below. Nightly, behind the curtain of my eyelids. The faces of those I am already <<hovertip 'Friends or foe?' 100>>starting to forget.<</hovertip>> One by one, they are picked apart like teeth, rotten to the root and torn from [[soft tissue.->visions_2]]

I wasn't the only player here. I'm sure I won't always be. But already, I have suffered the atrocity of loss, again and again. My nerve endings are scorched and left numb, the throb within my brittle skull matched with the beat of my heart. What use is there in chasing irretrievables? My petrified will is best left to simmer in his own hot blood until it, too, turns stone cold. @@.blurrier; Where did these words come from? Since when did I write like this?@@ [[>>->scolding]]

DATE: 3012/11/02 TO: Harlan Heinlein FROM: ******** RE: Notice of Failure to Report Division records indicate that you have failed to report for duty from 3012/10/19 to 3012/10/30 following your reassignment to the position of environmental health officer (EHO). Failure to report to your designated supervisor, ********, within seven (7) calendar days will be considered voluntary abandonment of your position and may result in termination of your employment. If you believe this notice has been issued in error, contact your supervisor immediately. [[>>->tired]]